Years ago, I attended the wedding of good friend. During the ceremony, the groom’s grandmother stood up to give her blessing. She was from Romania and I will never forget how she said, “Life is not always sweetness and honey, you know. There are hard times, too.” I imagined that for her, a child during WWII in Eastern Europe, she had witnessed a lot of hardship and sorrow. Her words still ring in my ears whenever I am challenged in my day-to-day.
I heard these words approximately four months after leaving my ex-husband. This wedding was my first wedding post-divorce, and I quietly cried through parts of the ceremony, which was beautiful. I was feeling a little sorry for myself, of course. Prior to the split, I had spent a final year of agony as I tried to keep the marriage together. I was going to counseling, reading all the relationship books and spending countless hours on the internet looking for support. I remember uncovering a blog about a newly divorced man who described himself as the unhusband. He’s since taken down his blog, but I found some comfort in reading posts from those who had survived. I was also very keen to talk to anyone who was divorced as I needed a support group. I needed to know that life would go on if my marriage failed.
Life does go on. I know it’s hard to imagine life without that deep heartache, but you will be happy again. Going through a divorce is painful and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I remember one friend saying, “There are days when you just want to draw the curtains and lie on the floor, but eventually you WILL get to the other side.” She was right. I had days of lying on the floor, crying, not sleeping, drinking, and not eating. I wanted so very badly for things to be different. Every night, before crawling into my bed alone, I would say outloud, “It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be all right.”
And now here I am, ten years after the split and I am so incredibly happy. I’ve found a better path. It didn’t happen immediately, but my life did turn around. It will get better and it does take time. If you’re reading this and your having one of those lying-on-the-floor days, just know you will get to the other side of it. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be all right.